


One is the Loneliest Number

by garbagegirls



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-08 11:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8842360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garbagegirls/pseuds/garbagegirls
Summary: After helping her friends save Earth-1 from an alien invasion, Kara returns to Earth-38 thinking she was only gone for a few days; however, she comes to learn that time moves differently in other universes and that as far as Earth-38 is concerned, she was missing for over a year. Alex arrives back in National City with Kara's reappearance after searching the globe for the younger Danvers for nearly a year. How will Maggie feel once she learns the woman who broke her heart is back in town?





	1. Number One

Kara had been missing for four-hundred and five days when Alex received the call from J’onn that her little sister had returned and was at DEO HQ, unharmed but severely disoriented. It was 2:30 am in Saint Petersburg, Russia, and she’d been asleep but as soon as she heard the words ‘ _Kara is alive_ ’ she’d sprung out of her hotel room bed and started to collect and toss her belongings into a pile to shove into her suitcase, her priority being to get back to National City as soon as possible to see her sister. The whole process of packing, securing a flight back to the States, dealing with the flight itself, getting a cab from the airport to take her directly to the DEO, and so on, was tedious and unending. It had already been thirteen months, three weeks, and a day, and Alex didn’t want to wait another second to see Kara.

When Alex arrived and walked into the DEO, she felt similarly to how she felt returning to her high school for class reunions. It was all familiar. She’d known the place like the back of her hand at one point, but after having been away for so long, it had somehow felt different: the lighting was darker, the hallways were smaller, the building’s scent had become aged, vintage. Alex contemplated how a place could feel like it had changed so much over the course of thirteen months. Thirteen months didn’t feel like a long time when she thought about being away from the DEO; however, thirteen months had felt like an eternity without Kara.

“Agent Danvers, it’s good to see you” J’onn said as he walked to greet the woman who had been like a daughter to him, pulling her in for a firm hug. Alex wrapped her arms around J’onn and squeezed him tightly. Perhaps time always moves slower when it comes to being away from people, from loved ones.

“J’onn…” Alex said as she smiled at him, conveying silently that she had missed him before moving onto her sister. “Where is she?”

J’onn gave Alex a nod signaling her to follow him, leading her to an observation room in the north wing of the DEO building. They had several doctors running tests on Kara over the last day and a half, and Kara was so tired after the last round of tests that she had fallen asleep on one of the stiff electric beds that she and Alex both despised so much.

“How is she? What tests have you been running? Results?”

“We’ve run all the usual tests; most of the more unusual tests as well. All the results are coming back normal—she’s body and brain healthy—so it’s bizarre that she has no recollection of the last thirteen months. She claims to have been on an alternate Earth, in an alternate universe and that she was only gone for a few days.”

Alex took a deep breath and considered just what it was that John was saying.

“Well, given the test results I think it’s safe to say that my mind is blown. It explains why neither the DEO Search and Rescue squads nor Superman could find her… why _I_ couldn’t find her.”

Inside the room, Kara started to shuffle, sensing she was no longer alone. She was hesitant to open her eyes out of concern that the people she’d heard were doctors who would insist she endure more tests and she couldn’t do it anymore. The results were coming back without any red flags, and she didn’t have the energy to keep telling them, calmly, that she was fine. So she wouldn’t. She’d refuse any tests they’d try to throw at her. She’d even give those pesky doctors a piece of her mind if she needed to.

No use in delaying the inevitable, Kara thought, allowing her eyes to flutter open as she pulled herself up off the bed and placed her feet firmly onto the floor, ready for battle. Without turning around, she threatened the doctor walking into the room, “you know, there’s only so many times I can say that I’m perfectly fine without actually losing my mind, right?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure it’s a big sister’s job to second guess everything the little sister says.” Alex said, barely having time to exhale before Kara sped around the bed and scooped her into her arms.  
“Oh Alex, I’m _so_ sorry… I can’t even believe… I had no idea this would happen.” Kara said.

Alex shushed her sister as she let herself sink into the hug. Kara was alive and it was the first time in such a long while that she knew it was true. It didn’t feel like she was lying to herself anymore.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I missed you and I’m so happy you’re home safe,” Alex said with her arms wrapped around Kara as tightly as Kara’s arms were wrapped around her. They had a lot to talk about, and frankly the DEO was the last place Alex wanted to be, so she released Kara from the hug then turned to her boss.

“J’onn, do you have any other tests to run on Kara? Can I take her home? _Please._ ” The plea was phrased as a question but J’onn knew that Alex wasn’t asking; instead she was warning that she’d be taking Kara regardless of his response, though to be fair she still hoped he’d be okay with it. There was a permanent but negligible bite that had developed in Alex’s tone over the last year as she scoured the globe looking for her sister. J’onn had heard it every time he spoke with Alex over conference calls and video briefings and the few times he’d met her in the field to help her with the search, and yet no matter how many times her tone pierced J’onn’s ears, it always stung just as much as it did when he’d heard it the first time. After all she’d been through in the last thirteen months J’onn thought it was reasonable that she’d hardened herself. He didn’t blame her.

“Go… but take care of each other.” J’onn replied.


	2. Two, Can be as Bad as One

In the days following Kara’s disappearance it had quickly become apparent to the DEO (& friends) that Alex would not stay in National City with her sister missing.  Search parties had turned every inch of the metropolitan upside-down on J’onn and Alex’s orders and there was still no sign of the Kryptonian. When Alex asked Winn to take care of Kara’s apartment until one or both Danvers sisters returned, he agreed. He was happy to do it. It was sort of a compliment coming from Alex—she couldn’t do it herself and he was the next best option, or at least that’s what he liked to believe.

Within minutes of Kara arriving at the DEO the day before, Winn had been so happy that she was back that he didn’t ask any questions before rushing to her apartment to remove his things. He didn’t know what Kara had been through, but he wanted her to be as comfortable as possible in the space that she’d created. 

Winn was packing up the last of his things when Alex and Kara arrived.

“You guys… I’m so happy both of you are back. So happy. I’m going to let you catch up with one another….” Winn was bent over reorganizing his boxes, his gaze moving to and from his task and his audience. “’Cause you guys should both take a few days for yourselves, you know? Once those few days are up though, I’ve got to warn you…” He stood up as the sisters looked at him quizzically. “…I’ll be everywhere. We’re gonna hang out. We’re gonna talk. We’re gonna laugh. Non-stop, okay? Non-stop.”

The girls playfully scoffed as Winn took both of them into his arms for a group hug. The smile on his face was so large that his eyes could not realistically stay open, but as his face returned to normal, so did his eyelids, with his gaze meeting Alex’s as both of their arms seemed only to be around Kara. She was not amused.

“Oh god, okay. I’m going, okay? I’m going. Please don’t kill me.” Winn took the hint and grabbed the last of his boxes, flashing Kara a smile and a wink before shuffling out the door.

Once Winn had left, there was a brief moment of silence as the sisters made their way to the couch, both of them allowing their bodies to become limp and collapse onto the soft cushions below them. There was so much to talk about but they were so exhausted that neither of them wanted to be the one to ruin the other’s Zen. Kara, in true Kara fashion, eventually surrendered to her impatience.

“So…. what did I miss?”

“That’s a loaded question, you know.”

“Yeah, but we gotta start somewhere, right? We don’t have to cover it all, I know a lot happened.”

Alex’s stomach turned. Kara had thought she’d missed a lot but really, as far as Alex’s life was concerned, she just missed Alex hitting rock bottom and that was something Alex was not yet ready to admit to the younger Danvers. To make the best of the situation, she decided to practice her deflection skills.

“Well, Cat Grant came back for a while and J’onn pretended to be you and made some excuse about how you needed to find yourself and push your boundaries on some kind of spirit quest. I don’t know how he did it, but he ended up convincing Cat to give you your job back whenever you returned. He also pretended to be Supergirl sometimes, making sure to fly by Cat’s office so she wouldn’t get suspicious with you and your alter ego being gone from National City at the same time.”

“Wow. I really owe him.”

“You really do.”

“What else?”

“You might want to sit down for this one… James is Guardian… and Winn has been helping him.”

Kara had planted herself down only for a moment before her body shot up after processing. “No way. No. That is not okay.”

“Actually with J’onn and Mon-El’s help they did a pretty good job defending the city in your absence, or at least that’s what I was told in briefings. James’ identity isn’t even a secret at the DEO anymore.”

“Yeah, so about the briefings… I know you left National City and traveled to a bunch of places looking for me, but where did you go? Like, where _were_ you?”

“You know; I was on Earth-38 all along… so it was nowhere _near_ as interesting as where you were and what was happening to you.” A successful deflection, Alex mused, as Kara’s face lit up.

“ _I mean_ ,” she adjusted her glasses as her smile grew wider, “it was really, really cool...”

Kara told Alex about Earth-1, about each of the heroes she’d met and the aliens she fought, about how she was so confused coming back home and learning she’d been missing for nearly fourteen months. She was baffled. She’d left on a Friday and assumed that she’d gotten back to Earth-38 on the following Tuesday. She had no idea that there would be such a difference in time between the two universes. In retrospect, the portals opening hours and hours apart was something she wished she had thought of. Barry and Cisco had tried multiple times and within seconds of each last attempt, yet those seconds translated differently on Earth-38. She contemplated the space-time continuum and scolded herself internally for not considering that even though her trip would be short, that her absence from Earth-38 might be long.

“Stop beating yourself up.” Alex was well aware of the face Kara made when she was brooding.  “It’s not your fault, Kara. A friend asked for your help and you said yes—like you should have. I mean, you saved another Earth from a fate that would have changed that universe forever.”

Kara’s eyes fell as she shifted her body in her seat.

“It’s just that I… well, what if the difference in time had been longer? What if I had been gone for twenty years instead of one? What would I have come back to?”

Alex turned and grabbed her sister by her shoulders. “Kara. You didn’t know. Don’t scold yourself about what could have happened. Just let it go.”

“It’s not only that," Kara said, shaking her head. "I’m just so sorry that you were out there, looking for me. You left your life here, you just dropped everything to find me and I wasn’t even here. Everyone I love changed their lives to find me or step in for me. Winn, James, Mon-El, J’onn all took over patrolling and missions. Eliza tapped into a global network of scientists to inquire about Kryptonian markings or other scientific indications that I was out there. I just can’t help but think about everything you guys gave up while I was gone. I didn’t even tell you I was leaving.”

“Kara, it’s all in the past. We need to move on. _I_ need to move on. For the record though, I don’t blame you... I’m beyond happy to have my little sister back.”

Kara resigned, defeated. It was a battle she could not win and she felt bad enough already that she refused to put Alex through any more pain because of _her_ feelings..

“Okay. Well… how about we take a couple of days like Winn suggested? We can visit mom, have a slumber party like the old days?”

“Now that is something I could get into” Alex said. She had just gotten back to National City but she’d already started feeling smothered. The past had its hands on her neck, reminding her that misery was not yet ready to let go of her.


	3. It's the Loneliest Since the Number One

“Alex! It’s past noon and you’re still in bed? Wake up, lazy bum!”

Alex stirred in her bed, trying to pull the covers over her head to muffle the sound of Kara’s voice as the younger sister jumped up onto the mattress and bounced until Alex acknowledged her.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Alex asked, exhaling into her pillow.

“Eliza and I are going to go to Dooly’s Deli for lunch and we were thinking you _might_ be interested in joining us?”

Alex’s eyes narrowed, her face still buried into her pillow. It was no secret how much Alex loved Dooly’s; in fact, Eliza used Dooly’s Deli sandwiches to tame the angst of a teen-aged Alex. Even more recently Kara had made a special trip to Midvale to pick up Dooly’s in an effort to bring cheer to a heartbroken Alex after Maggie had rejected her. Dooly’s would always bring a smile to her face, and no matter how brief, it was always worth it even if it didn’t have any long term effect.

“So, whattaya say? The three Danvers women lunching then shopping, eh? Then slumber party later?”

Alex considered it, but as much as she wanted to she couldn’t bring herself to move at the behest of anyone else.

“It’s tempting but I think I’m going to stay behind. I need a little ‘me time’.”

“Okay… well, if you change your mind, text us and we can meet up later.”

Kara forced a smile but Alex could still see concern in her sister’s eyes. When Alex didn’t say anything, Kara got the hint and exited, then a few minutes later Alex could hear her mother’s car driving down the gravel road, away from the house.

Being back in her childhood home was bittersweet, to say the least. As much as she loved coming home, there were always two eras of home that she remembered: before Jeramiah died and after. Even though she was now aware that her father had survived all those years ago, it was hard to disconnect the feelings and memories from the place itself—she still felt the pain of him passing regardless of any current truths. Alex looked around her bedroom and remembered when Jeramiah had read her bedtime stories, and from wall to wall her thoughts strayed from father-daughter bonding to the tears she had shed into the mattress beneath her when she had first mourned the loss of him.

Alex got up out of her bed, unwilling to let her mind drift further into the darkness. She walked to the vanity just a few feet from the right side of her bed and took a quick look into the mirror, seeing that her mascara and eyeliner had smudged beneath both of her eyes. Last night at dinner, Alex and her mother had split a couple of bottles of wine and while Alex wasn’t necessarily feeling hungover, she certainly looked it considering she’d forgotten to wash her face before going to bed. Alex walked into the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth and held it under the faucet to dampen it with warm water, then applied it in strokes underneath her eyes. After wiping for a few minutes without much success she decided to hop in the shower. She was planning on showering anyway, albeit at a later time, but she surmised it better to happen sooner rather than later so she could avoid any more unnecessary under-eye puffiness.

Once she disrobed and pulled two fresh towels out of the linen closet, Alex stepped into the shower, turning the hot and cold knobs until the water started to steam. There was something so cathartic about showering, Alex thought. Of course, it was cleansing in the literal sense, but it also cleared her mind in the same way that meditation did. She let the stream of water fall over her face and run to her shoulders and down her chest, with each stretch of body traveled, the more tension removed from her muscles.

Alex spent a few hours relaxing and reading when Kara and Eliza had returned. Even though Alex had passed on going to lunch, Kara and Eliza still surprised her with a Dooly’s burger and tarragon fries. A smile crept across her face and like clockwork, the other Danvers women’s faces mirrored the change.

“My heroes!” Alex genuinely exclaimed. They were heroes for a lot of reasons, but in that moment, a burger from Dooly’s was all she needed to remind them of how much she admired them.

“Save room for popcorn!” Eliza shouted as she made her way downstairs to the basement to get it ready for their slumber party, “…and start thinking of a movie to watch!”

Alex looked at Kara with her mouth full of fries as Kara met her gaze. After a brief moment of eye contact, both women shouted at the same time, with Alex suggesting Kill Bill and Kara suggesting Love Actually. Kara had made Alex watch Love Actually almost once a month, but since she’d been gone for so long and Alex didn’t have to watch during that time, she agreed to appease her sister. She could at least have fun mocking Kara’s commentary and romantic angst.

After Kara and Eliza had dinner, the Danvers women made their way to the basement. Eliza had put linens on the pullout couch for the sisters to share, and made up another couch for herself. She’d only made it minutes into the movie before falling asleep—she hadn’t even plugged her phone in to charge. Alex got up from the pullout and ran upstairs to grab Eliza’s charger, then ran back downstairs and plugged her mother’s phone in before taking a folded blanket off the back of the couch and draping it over the older woman.

Alex crawled back onto the pullout, seated next to Kara with a bowl of stove-popped popcorn between them. They had made it two-thirds into the movie before Kara decided she’d rather chat.

“So, how about this gossip?” Kara asked.

Alex took her eyes off the television and grabbed the remote to decrease the volume of the movie.

“You tell me. I was away from National City just as long as you were… or as long as you were away from Earth-38 that is.”

“Well, you must have spoken to J’onn and other people who work for or with the DEO? Has anything exciting happened to _anyone_?”

Alex thought about what she could say to satisfy Kara’s thirst for information. It was understandable Kara wanted to catch up on what she’d missed, especially because her experience being on Earth-1 was much shorter than the time she’d been away from Earth-38.

“J’onn and M’gann are on better terms now since Eliza cured him. He released M’gann, though he does still keep a close eye on her.”

“Oh, thank Rao. I was meaning to have a chat with him about that, glad he beat me to the punch. What about James? Winn?”

“Well, James left Catco and is kind of an independent contractor for the DEO. He still goes to Catco events when Cat invites him, but I don’t think she’s in National City very often so it’s rare. He and Winn do the Guardian thing most of the time as far as I’m aware. Honestly, we haven’t spoken much since I left so I’m not sure about what’s happening in their personal lives.”

“I guess I should probably plan a game night or something. Going to the source might, you know, provide me with reliable information...” Kara said smiling at her sister. “I’ve got something…”

“Oh yeah? Did something happen on Earth-1?” Alex asked. “Didn’t you mention having a bit of an attraction to Barry when you first met?”

“Pfft, Barry and I are just friends. Nothing _like that_ happened on Earth-1.”

“So you’re saying something _like that_ happened here?”

“Sort of…” Kara trailed off, momentarily lost in her train of thought. “When Mon-El was infected with the virus, I went to check on him and he… kissed me.”

“Oh yeah? How do you feel about it?” Alex perked up, raising her eyebrows.

“Well, I felt _something_ , I think, but I’m pretty sure he was delirious. After Eliza cured him, I tried to bring it up but he didn’t remember.”

“I’m sorry Kara. Have you seen him since you’ve been back?”

“For a few minutes when I got back to the DEO. He hugged me and asked to catch up soon, but said he had to run off to meet his girlfriend.” Kara hung her head.

“Ouch!” Alex said as she looked at her sister, clearly bummed for her.

“Yeah… I guess I’m just happy he doesn’t remember the kiss. That would make this whole situation so much more awkward. It’s probably for the best anyway. He can be such a handful.”

“Speaking from experience, with the kissing… yeah.” Alex bit her tongue as soon as the words had fallen from her mouth. She ended up bringing up the exact topic she didn’t want to talk about. It was like she was driving into a hurricane when she meant to drive away from it.

“About that… what’s happened with your love life? Did you ever swing the ‘friends’ thing with Maggie?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” Alex said, trying to dissuade Kara from dwelling on it.

Kara looked around the room, threw her hands up and shrugged her shoulders, “well, looks like we’ve got time?”

“But… it’s unexciting. Any other topic would prove more thrilling to talk about or listen to.”

“C’mon, Alex. I want to know what’s going on with you.” Kara said, convincing a hesitant Alex to share.

“Well…” Alex paused briefly, preparing herself to speak about Maggie aloud. “After the DEO shut down Cadmus’ plans for the virus, Maggie showed up at my place later that night with pizza and beer, saying that she was scared when I came out because it was for her, but that after getting shot she’d been thinking, and that life's too short … and then she kissed me.”

“What?! Why am I just hearing about this now? What happened after she kissed you? I mean, you don’t have to be too specific if _that_ happened, but…” Kara was genuinely curious. She had always expected to hear about big developments immediately after they happened. In this case, she wished Alex would have told her soon as Alex had arrived at the DEO after Kara got back. Actually, she could have texted or emailed while she was on the plane.

“It’s not really important what happened.” Alex mumbled, her face having now fallen.

“Alex, do not make me make you tell me… Okay, so that could have been phrased better, but… just tell me!” Kara begged her sister for more information.

“Fine, fine. That night was perfect, okay? We made out like teenagers and fell asleep on the couch together cuddling. Over the next few days we hung out a couple of times at the bar and we planned to go on a date, but it didn’t work out.”

“Why not?”

“Because… life got in the way.” Alex was careful with her wording. She knew the _why_ was bound to click to Kara, but she also knew her sister would feel guilty and she didn’t want that. Alex didn’t blame Kara.

Kara’s eyes widened with the realization of what had happened: Alex left National City to look for her. Alex left _Maggie_ to look for _her_.

“Oh no, I’m so…” Kara was just about to apologize when Alex pushed the bowl of popcorn out of her way, scooted across the pullout sofa, and wrapped her arms around her younger sister.

“It’s not your fault. Whatever guilt trip you’re about to put yourself through, just do yourself a favor and skip it. I don’t blame you, or anyone. It’s just the way the world works, okay?”

Kara looked into her sister’s eyes and knew Alex had meant what she’d said, so she tried to let it go as best she could, though she knew that it would be easier said than done. The most important thing was to try for Alex—to not let the guilt get to her. It wouldn’t fix anything.

“Did you guys talk much when you were away? Have you told her you’re back in National City?” Kara crossed her fingers for an easily repairable relationship between the two.

“We haven’t spoken in a while. When I decided to leave National City, I told her that I had a mission that required me to leave for an unspecified amount of time. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do... I basically shut off my emotions to make it easier to leave her, but it probably came off as really cold. It was an ‘I’m leaving, bye’ kind of break up. I mean, if you want to call it that.”

“So she doesn’t even know I was missing? She just… she thinks you chose a mission over her?”

“Yeah, if I were her I’d hate me too, especially after it took her so long to give me her trust and then when she did I just… left.”

“Alex, you need to call her.” Kara demanded.

“Are you kidding? What makes you think she wants to talk to me? I’m the last person she wants to hear from.”

“She liked you! _She kissed you_! You could still have a chance with her. You should just tell her the truth—the _whole_ truth.”

“Kara, I know you’re a hopeless romantic, but some things just aren’t meant to be, okay? You didn’t see her face when I told her I was leaving. She _cried_. I _never_ thought I’d see Maggie cry, not like that anyway. I broke her heart.”

“Yeah, but you broke your own heart too. Don’t you think she deserves to hear that? Or at least hear why it was that you _had_ to leave?”

“She deserves… someone else. _I_ deserve to be alone.”

“But Alex, you’re so…”

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

Alex’s phone vibrated beside her. She took a quick look at the screen to see who was calling her.

“Oh, bummer,” Alex said with a sarcastic tone. “It’s J’onn. I’ve got to take this.”

Alex got up from the pullout and walked to the other side of the room. The phone call was short. M’gann was in trouble and the DEO needed the help of Agent Danvers and Supergirl.

Alex let out a sigh of relief, happy to be given a distraction. It was bad enough that Alex unwillingly relived the moment in which she broke Maggie’s heart every single day, but talking about it was too much for her. It made it too real, and the reality that Maggie hated Alex and might not ever kiss her again was not a reality in which Alex could exist.

“Supergirl. Vacation is over. Time to go. Suit up.”

Alex was ready to crack some skulls… so they could find M’gann. _Yeah. That’s why._


	4. It's Just No Good Anymore

Back at the DEO, J’onn briefed Alex and Kara about the situation. The White Martians had found out about M’gann’s friendship with J’onn and taken her hostage, promising only to release her in exchange for J’onn. The plan was to fake the exchange, with J’onn surrendering himself, then have Supergirl come flying in to join J’onn in the fight while Alex found and extracted M’gann.

When they arrived at the location, it was immediately obvious that their plan was not going to hold up throughout the mission. The White Martians immediately charged at J’onn, outnumbering him four to one, and out of concern, Supergirl came in a bit too early without warning Alex. Luckily, six aliens fighting on two teams against one another does not go unnoticed, so when Alex saw the fight in full swing, she rushed off to find M’gann.

The warehouse was large and it took quite a bit of time to get through it, especially unnoticed, as there were several White Martians standing guard throughout the building. As one of the guards was walking by, Alex shifted her body behind a water tank so that she was not visible, but in doing so, the metal zipper on her jacket hit the steel tank, alerting the White Martian to her presence. Without a second thought, Alex took off, running down the stairs to the level beneath them. Alex thought she had gotten a lead on her pursuer but the White Martian leaped over the edge and cut her off. Thinking quickly, Alex turned and ran away through a narrow hallway, making the White Martian shift into human form to fit. She managed to lose the White Martian for a moment, though he was still relatively close behind and could catch up to her at any moment. As she rounded a corner, the Martian caught sight of her again so she rounded the corner back the way she came, then rounded another corner until reaching hands caught her.

Alex jumped, taken aback. Someone had pulled her into a dark, still room and had placed a hand over her mouth to limit the sound of her heavy breathing and an arm around her waist to keep her anchored and silent. As the footsteps of the disgruntled White Martian rounded the hallway and continued moving away from the room, the limbs holding Alex went limp and a collective sigh was released.

Focusing only on the mission, Alex turned to the shadowy figure and gave a quick nod before opening the door; however, before she was even halfway out the door the figure grabbed her by the wrist. Opening the door just a crack had let some light in, so when she turned around to ask the shadowy figure what the hell they thought they were doing, she saw the soft and familiar smiling face of one of the NCPD’s finest: Detective Maggie Sawyer.

Alex froze at the sight of her, the door still halfway open in her hand allowing the smallest amount of light to fall on Maggie’s face. Alex was sure it was divine intervention. It felt like time stopped, like it had never existed. She was floating.

Alex felt Maggie tug on her wrist again, and suddenly it was apparent that Maggie was touching her. If Maggie wanted her to keep quiet, touching Alex _anywhere_ was a bad idea. Maggie pointed at the door and Alex continued staring at the woman in front of her before snapping out of it and closing the door. As the door shut, she cursed the darkness for supplanting the light that belonged to Maggie. It wasn’t right, she thought. _Something so beautiful should always live in the light._

Alex shifted her body away from Maggie’s so that she was facing the door, but as luck would have it, her foot got caught on something and she started to stumble backwards as another White Martian passed through the hallway on patrol. Her heart was pounding as her body fell, terrified that the noise would alert the White Martian to their presence and they would have nowhere to run, and only limited space to fight. Just as the Martian passed the door to the room, Alex felt Maggie’s arms catch her under own and pull her up. Once Alex was on her feet again, she wanted to turn around and hug Maggie, but Maggie had not yet let go. She was still holding Alex, her arms tightly wound around Alex’s body, right below her bra line. Alex felt shivers eclipse her entire body.

Once the Martian had gone, Maggie released Alex and the two women ventured into the hallway. Alex had to remind herself why she was there.

_Oh, right. The mission. M’gann._

The sound of Maggie’s voice interrupted her, her inner voice of reason coming to a silent halt so that Maggie’s could take over.

“I’ve been in that room for at least 15 minutes and have pretty closely timed the security rounds, but damn Agent Danvers, you did not make the home stretch easy. We need to go _now_.” Maggie grabbed Alex’s hand and pulled her behind her, shifting their backs to the wall as she looked around the corner. “All clear,” she said.

Maggie released Alex’s hand and gestured for Alex to follow her as both women unbuttoned their holsters and pulled their guns. Alex tried her best to keep the mission at the forefront of her brain as they made their way through the warehouse, but she couldn’t keep her mind from drifting to Maggie. She was right there, fingertips away, for the first time in a year. She looked so beautiful. From the day Maggie waltzed into her crime scene stirring up trouble and giving the agent attitude, there was never a moment in which Alex thought Maggie could ever look better; she was always on, always immaculate, always everything. ‘ _My Kryptonite_ ,” she thought with an eye roll before cutting herself off. ‘ _Enough of the cheese fest,_ ’ she reminded herself again. Maggie was obviously there for the same reason Alex and the DEO were there. They needed to find M’gann.

They made it through nearly the entire warehouse before they saw another White Martian. This time, Alex was the one to pull Maggie aside and out of the White Martian’s line of sight, but it was a brutal situation she’d put herself in _._ She had pulled Maggie in so quickly that Maggie didn’t have a chance to adjust, so they were face to face, closer than they’d been since the night that Maggie got shot and kissed Alex. She kissed Alex _a lot_ that night. Alex still thought about it against her best interest. Maggie kissed her thirty-six times to be exact. Alex counted the number of kisses then, but if she’s being honest, she still counts them, letting herself relive the good before drifting into the bad, the heartbreak she’d caused.

Maggie was taken aback by being pulled away from the spot she’d settled on much in the same way Alex had been taken aback when Maggie pulled her into that dark room, the only difference was that Maggie recovered quickly. _Typical._ Inches from Alex’s lips and it didn’t seem like it had affected her at all. She didn’t look mad or heartbroken or anything Alex would have expected her to be. She just stared back and smiled, realizing the situation was a bit awkward considering their history, but while Maggie was calm and collected, Alex was having an internal meltdown. She had to put all of her energy into resisting someone who wasn’t even trying to be irresistible. Maybe that’s  _why_ Maggie was so utterly irresistible, Alex thought, _she has no idea how beautiful she is._

The contact only lasted for a minute or two, Alex thought, but she wasn’t sure. Time had stopped again when she got lost in Maggie’s shining, big brown eyes. Maggie had caught the intensity of Alex’s staring and smiled back while tilting her head to the right side of her body. She looked right around Alex seconds later to check on the status of the latest alien on patrol and Alex had felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Maggie wasn't looking _at_ her, but _through_ her, she surmised.

Maggie took Alex’s hand again, signaling that the mission had resumed. There was one more hallway and M’gann had to be in one of the rooms. They checked the first room on the right, but it was empty, then they switched to the room on the left. As they opened the door, they saw a distressed M’gann tied up and so they rushed over to untie her. Maggie gave M’gann a quick hug to calm her down while Alex checked to make sure the coast was clear. The three women found the closest exit, but a White Martian spotted them as they were escaping. Maggie and M’gann were right outside the exit when Alex told them to run, shutting the door to separate herself from the women she needed to save. The last thing she saw before the door closed was Maggie’s face as it sank with the realization of what Alex had done.

The next few minutes Alex spent trying to occupy the White Martian long enough for Maggie and M’gann to escape were brutal. Initially, she had managed to avoid any major blow to her face or body, but the White Martian eventually grew impatient, frustrated that he wasn’t landing any big hits on the agent. So to make up for his failed attempt at ‘traditional’ combat, he plucked Alex from the floor and threw her twenty feet across the warehouse, where her body slammed against a boiler tank. Beside it she lied on the steel floor, unknowingly moaning in pain as she drifted towards the darkness that had always clung to her.


	5. Since You Went Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanvers is about to be fluffed up, amiright?

Alex woke up at the DEO and the first thing she noticed was that her left leg was elevated in a cast. _Shit._ She hurt all over. Body parts she’d been aware of but never felt had suddenly made their presence known. When she reached up to brush her hair out of her face, she wasn’t sure what hurt worse: her broken hand or her severely bruised face. Either way, she winced so loudly that multiple people had walked in to check on her. Alex closed her eyes, bracing herself for the fight to come.

First up in the ring was Kara, of course, who scolded her for having a martyr complex before eventually breaking down and hugging her sister, apologizing every time she heard Alex hiss with agony.

Next up was J’onn, who had a similar reaction; then came Winn, then Mon-El, then some other DEO field agents. The doctors were in and out between visitors, and after a few hours of being poked and prodded and reprimanded by almost everyone, she snapped at one of the nurses. Alex was unsure of how she did it, especially considering the fact that she was _super_ high on pain medication, but she’d managed to convince the nurse to trade her alone time for her compliance. As it turned out, threatening the nurse that none of her injuries were bad enough that she couldn’t get up and leave—swinging at anyone who’d have the nerve to get in her way—was all she had to say for the nurse to hear her impatience and acknowledge her disapproval of how she was being treated. Apparently Alex’s injuries were bad enough that the nurse was willing to give her almost anything she wanted to keep her glued to the electric bed. _I’m not in that bad of shape_ , Alex thought. _Sucker._

The nurse, _William_ , was unwilling to grant Alex complete isolation, so Alex agreed to frequent visits from him _only_ until his shift was over. He was smart and compassionate, quickly picking up on Alex’s exasperated disposition. When she looked him in the eye, she knew he understood her and would give her everything she needed to retain her sanity. If his shift ended, he would choose his own replacement carefully. The faint of heart could not handle Alex in her current state, so she was confident that he’d choose wisely to avoid any blood on his hands.

Alex was alone for nearly two hours before William came back in to check on her. She nodded off a couple of times, but Alex wasn’t a still sleeper. Every time she moved the pain of doing so would abruptly send her gasping into consciousness, eyes watering from exhaustion and discomfort. All she wanted to do was sleep, and though her dreams were filled with Maggie, it was a better alternative to being awake and brooding about Maggie. Sometimes her dreams took pity on her, vividly depicting a world in which Alex had never left National City, a world in which she and Maggie belonged to one another. Other times she was less fortunate, as her dreams mimicked reality more closely. A few times, her dreams had perfectly captured the painful moments that collectively made up the day that she broke Maggie’s heart.  It was like she was cursed to watch a silent movie composed of she and Maggie’s dancing silhouettes, bound to the inside of her eyelids, forever on repeat. 

…

Alex stood outside of Maggie’s apartment, her soggy clothes dripping rain water onto the carpet of the hallway. The heavy rain hit the steel of the roof with roaring percussion, synchronized with Alex’s fluttering heartbeat. Alex’s eyes were fixed on the door in front of her, swollen and puffy from crying over her missing sibling. Alex squeezed her eyes shut and pushed her soaked auburn hair out of her face. Her head fell as she ran through the coming conversation in her head, her eyes again starting to water despite her best attempts to stay strong.

_Find Kara._

_Kara is what matters._

_The world needs Kara._

_Do your job._

_Protect._

****

Alex raised her hand to knock on the red wooden door in front of her, the rhythm of the contact uncertain and weak. Footsteps shuffled on the other side of the door before the sound of the lock turning pulsed through Alex’s head. The door opened, and as Maggie came into focus, everything else blurred into an irrelevant backdrop, dull to the clarity of the woman standing in front of her.

Maggie’s eyes were full of warmth as she pulled Alex into the apartment.

“Alex…” Maggie said, stepping forward and raising her hand to stroke Alex’s cold, wet cheek. “I didn’t know you were coming. You’re soaked. Are you okay?” Maggie shifted, trying to catch the fallen gaze of a solemn Alex.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry to pop in like this.”

“It’s okay…” Maggie replied tentatively, seeing a fading light in Alex’s eyes. Something _was_ wrong.  _This is it_ , she thought, readying herself.

“Listen, I… I’m leaving National City. I’m not sure for how long. I could be gone a week; I could be gone six months... there’s a mission.”

“Aren’t you a senior agent? I thought that you’re permanently based in National City because of your working relationship with Supergirl. They can’t just send you off unless something huge is going down somewhere else, right?”

“I’m choosing to go.” Alex said, putting distance between them.

“I see.” Maggie swallowed. “So… this,” she said, her tone ascending as she pointed back and forth between herself and Alex, “this is goodbye?”

“Yeah.”

Maggie tried to get Alex to look her in the eye again, but Alex could not lift her eyes from the floor. Alex watched as the gears in Maggie’s head turned, as Maggie’s face fell, as Maggie’s heart sank.

“I… I usually I get this sort of thing, making sacrifices for work, but this… hurts.”

“I’m sorry.” Alex _was_ sorry, but  _sorry_ was an understatement. She heard the words roll off her lips, dark and flat, conveying meaning without feeling. Maggie stared at her, pausing briefly before pleading for another response. _Anything_ meaningful.

“…I mean, at least look me in the eye if you’re going to break my heart.” Maggie’s patience was gone. The water that had welled up behind her eyes was now pouring down her face in patterned streams of heartbreak and insecurity.

“Maggie…” Alex sighed harshly, before Maggie cut her off.

“I don’t want to be melodramatic. I really hate it. It’s like some soap opera hell where I’m stuck saying a bunch of feely shit, cringing with every word that falls out of my mouth…” Maggie smiled in pain, allowing a melancholy chuckle to escape her pursed lips. “But to hell with it…,” she sniffled, then continued, “I was _certain_ you were different, that I could give you my trust without you immediately throwing it back in my face. I’m not going to pretend to know anything about the mission you’ve signed up for, but I thought that at the very least you’d fight for me… that it wouldn’t be so easy for you to walk away. I just… I thought… I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Alex bit her tongue. She wanted to take it all back and tell Maggie the truth, but the truth had multiple layers. She was obviously leaving National City to find her missing sister—one of the world’s most prominent superheroes—but there were other reasons too. Alex had always been iron-willed, yet Maggie made her turn to mush. She knew she’d only be able to bear a short period of physically being apart from Maggie. Breaking Maggie’s heart was the best thing for Maggie and even though Alex was sure the act had cost her most if not all of her own soul, it didn’t matter. Maggie’s eventual happiness was her only concern. Alex told herself that Maggie would hate her for a short time and then move on to find _real_ happiness with someone else. Plus, with Maggie finding someone who actually deserved all of her love and attention, Alex wouldn’t be tempted to return to National City because there would be nothing to come back for, not until she found Kara anyway, _if_ she found Kara. So Alex kept up the act and didn’t respond, even as Maggie sobbed; even as Maggie wiped her tears from her face, silently undertaking the same emotionless that Alex had emitted; even as Maggie found a new resolve to rebuild the walls around her heart taller than they’d ever been built before.

“ _Go_.”

Alex took one last look at a dismantled Maggie then turned toward the exit and let herself out. On the other side of the door she found herself once more, in as many pieces as her counterpart inside, her tears a cruel reminder of a life she was fated to live alone.

…

William had just come out of Alex’s room after giving her medication that would allow her to sleep through the pain when a short brunette approached him and demanded to see the agent.

“I’m sorry, the patient is currently refusing visitors.” William kindly told the brunette.

“Listen…” Maggie replied, squinting her eyes to read the small text on the nurse’s name tag, “ _William…_ I don’t work for the DEO and I have a gun _and I will shoot you_.” Maggie was not having it.

“If I let you in, _she’ll_ shoot me. If I don’t let you in, _you’ll_ shoot me. If I’m going to be shot either way, I might as well keep my promise to her and block your entrance.” William retorted logically.

Maggie put her hands on her hips, then sighed while shaking her head, looking downward and pursing her lips together in disdain. J’onn was passing by when he saw the detective clearly frazzled by her interaction with Alex’s nurse.

“Detective,” J’onn summoned Maggie’s attention and nodded at her before shifting his attention to William. “Do we have a problem?”

The detective met eyes with William, giving him leeway to respond first. She was genuinely curious what it was that he would say.

“The detective is demanding access to Agent Danvers’ room, but the agent herself has me under strict instructions to confine visitation. She has made it perfectly clear that even my presence is a bother. Furthermore, Agent Danvers is severely injured. She desperately needs rest. We don’t even know the full extent of her injuries or what they’ll mean to her recovery yet. She would do best with minimal distractions.” William said earnestly.

Maggie wanted to roll her eyes and scoff at William and his stupid self-righteousness, but she knew he was right. The only problem was that Maggie genuinely _needed_ to see Alex, needed to see how bad her condition was.

Hank noticed the desperation in Maggie’s eyes and then turned to William. “I appreciate you following Agent Danvers’ instructions with such diligence, but in this case I _suggest_ that you make an exception and grant Detective Sawyer unlimited access to Agent Danvers’ care unit,” J’onn paused and looked at Maggie, “so long as she promises to let Agent Danvers rest as much as possible.”

“I promise,” the words flew out of Maggie’s mouth, “I’ll _make sure_ she gets _more_ sleep than she needs.”

William sighed, slightly annoyed at the conspiracy between the detective and the director, then stepped aside to allow Maggie to pass.

Alex was already half asleep when she heard the door open. She muttered under her breath, prepared to enact punishment on William for breaking their deal. Reaching across her body, she grabbed a small vase of Get Well flowers off the swiveling tray beside her bed. Cupping the vase with her good, she prepared to throw it at her unwelcome guest; however, the sight of a cautious and soft Maggie had made her unintentionally release her grasp and the vase of flowers went crashing to the floor.

 “Alex…”

Alex stared at the shorter brunette, oblivious to the sound of glass breaking.

“Breaking a vase at the sight of me?”

There was a real question hidden in the inquiry, and Alex knew that it was Maggie’s way of asking permission to be there. For all the reasons that Alex could think to send Maggie away, there were countless more reasons demanding she stay.  

“Come in. Sorry. I thought you could’ve been one of the… dweebs. Everyone has been a pain in my ass.” Alex replied, slurring slightly. She was not prepared to speak to Maggie in her current state. She still felt high as hell, and due to the most recent dose of meds given to her by William only moments before, she was quickly fading into inevitable slumber.

Maggie walked farther into the room with Alex’s blessing, moving toward her bedside and bending down to gather the large pieces of glass that had broken when the agent had mindlessly dropped the vase.

“One of the dweebs, huh?” Maggie asked as looked around the room for a plastic bag she could use for the glass. After finding a suitable option, she took each large piece of glass and set it inside the plastic one by one, then tied the bag and set it aside. She made a mental note to take the bag with her on her way out, and to notify William of the smaller pieces of broken glass. _William,_ Maggie smirked, he probably heard the sound of glass breaking and thought that Alex had gotten the best of her.

Maggie re-positioned the chair by Alex’s bed with the intention of sitting down, but the sight of Alex broken and bruised beneath her knocked the wind out of the detective. She knew it was bad, but she didn’t know it was _this_ bad. Two broken ribs, a broken hand, a broken leg, ‘minor’ internal bleeding, myriad cuts and bruises. _It’s a miracle she’s not brain dead or paralyzed_ , Maggie thought. _It’s a miracle she’s not dead_. Instinctively, Maggie reached out to grab Alex’s hand before remembering it was broken, then moved her hand to Alex’s forearm where she stroked lightly continuing even after the hair on Alex’s arm began to stand up.

Alex looked at Maggie with heavy eyes, her breathing on the cusp of becoming steady and shallow with unconsciousness. She was sure she was already dreaming.

Maggie cleared her throat, preparing to speak from her heart.

“Do you remember when I got shot?” Maggie asked, knowing Alex had already succumbed to sleep. She continued anyway, a small laugh prefacing her next statement, “what am I talking about… of course you do.” She sighed, her eyes staring at the teal-speckled and beige tile below her feet, still tracing little circles onto Alex’s arm. “I actually thought I almost died. But… now, here you are… barely in one piece, and I realize how foolish I was to think I was on the brink of death… and it’s not only that. I mean, here you are, right in front of me—the woman who chewed me up and spit me out—and all I can think about is how _I’m_ an idiot for letting you walk away from me.”

Maggie paused, deep in thought. She was bearing her heart to Alex and Alex wasn’t even awake to hear how much she was hurting. Maybe it was better this way.

“You know, once you left, I told myself all kinds of things to try to get over you: the spark had faded for you—that there was never a spark to begin with, that I was a fickle distraction that had run its course, that you snapped out of whatever trance I had you in, that you didn’t care and you’d never cared… so I dated. I drank. I slept around. But none of it ever felt right.” Maggie pulled her hand away and placed it in her other hand, resting both on her lap as she stared at her twiddling fingers. “It was infuriating… but I think… I think it’s because it all made me feel as alone as I’d always felt before meeting you. You’re the only thing, the only person, the only place…” tears were welling up behind Maggie’s eyes again, this time when they fell from her eyes, each tear was like a snowflake, unique and beautiful, full of artistic aesthetic, falling with all the grace of the entire world, “that’s ever made me feel... unlonely? …Loved. But I’m supposed to hate you, right? For walking out on me? You know I started to believe all the things I told myself, so when I saw you today for the first time in a year, with that silly, pining look on your face, I was so confused. You looked at me like nothing had changed, like you never left, and then there we were again, spinning together, suspended in slow motion. And in that moment, regardless of all the time I spent building my walls back up, brick by brick, it took seconds—seconds—for you to send them crumbling to the ground.” Maggie smiled, her brow furled with thought. “And that was before you went and sacrificed yourself. I’ve never been so mad, so heartbroken, and so loved at the same time… and I know that you’re asleep right now, that you won’t remember any of this, but I needed to tell you that… now that you’re back, you’re stuck with me. I won’t ever let you go again.”

The tears were still pouring down Maggie’s face. It was something she’d gotten used to in the last year, but this time was different. Tears of joy covered her face because she knew now, without a doubt, that Alex _did_ love her. Now the only thing to do was to wait for Alex to realize it too.


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey Maggie,” Alex greeted the detective as she entered her care unit, carrying two coffee cups from Alex’s favorite coffee shop downtown, “please tell me one of those are for me.”

“Of course, but you can’t tell anyone it was me who gave it to you, are we clear?” Maggie smiled at a reaching Alex, teasing her by gesturing towards the agent's hands, then pulling away.

Alex’s head nodded vigorously as she looked at Maggie smiling with her eyes full of light, “… please?” She put her hands out to receive the much needed caffeine, then wrapped all ten fingers around the cup as she reveled in the warmth emitting from the cardboard container, pulling it toward her chest. “Thank you for this.”

“Hey, no problem. It’s kind of the least I can do. Thank you...”

“It’s all a part of the job.” Alex responded, looking into Maggie’s dark eyes. She couldn’t quite tell what had changed in them, but something had. They were careful and soft like they always were but something was… _different_.

Maggie smirked. _Alex Danvers could justify a bar fight by saying it’s all part of the job._

“So… you came to see me last night, and I pretty much fell asleep immediately, didn’t I?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, but you needed the rest.” Maggie responded, then sat down in the chair next to Alex’s bed.

“I gotta say, even after getting my ass handed to me by that White Martian, I didn’t expect to see you.”

“Please, Danvers… I’m not heartless. I needed to be sure…” Maggie trailed off, catching herself.

“Sure about?” Alex asked, wide-eyed.

 _That it’s really you. That you’re back. That I’m not imagining any of this._ Maggie searched for other things to say.

“That you’re okay… are you planning on sticking around National City for a while?”

“Yeah, well…” Alex adjusted, trying to sit up more but she wasn’t having much luck. Her comfort and mobility were now dictated by her broken leg and the hefty cast surrounding it, “I kind of have to, don’t I?” Alex said, referencing her injuries. Alex’s tone gave too much away. It was filled with hesitancy and distress, but also acceptance.

“And how do you feel about that?” Maggie asked after hearing the twinge of oxymoronic contented discontent.

Alex thought about it for a moment before responding. Her life was in National City with Kara so she could protect the younger Danvers, but Alex desperately wanted out. She had never been one to run from her problems but it was unbearable to be so close to Maggie without being able to touch or hold her. When Alex had come back and learned the truth—that Kara had willingly gone to Earth-1 without telling anyone—she tried to cut herself a break, tried to tell herself she wasn’t to blame, that it wasn’t the failure to do her job that had resulted in a missing sister and superhero. She couldn’t be with Kara 24/7, protecting her. Things were always bound to happen, but every time she dissected the situation, the guilt was always there, buried under layers of longing for someone she told herself she shouldn’t have, that she wouldn’t let herself have.

“It’s… complicated. My job is with Supergirl so it’s not like I can just up and leave, go wherever the world takes me.”

Maggie stared at Alex, tension building in her muscles. Alex noticed the shift in her posture, the furrowed brow that crept across Maggie’s forehead, then realized she had let herself slip.

“Then why did you leave in the first place?” Maggie asked.

Alex sighed. It was only a matter of time before the night that Alex had walked away from Maggie would come up in conversation, destroying any casual pleasantries preceding it.

“That’s… also complicated…” Alex replied.

Maggie got up from the chair she was sitting in and started pacing beside Alex’s bed, her mind turning over trying to find answers that only the woman next to her had. It was beyond frustrating. Maggie knew she wanted Alex back in her life, but she also needed the truth; she needed to know what circumstances had hardened the agent. What saddened Maggie the most was Alex’s resolve to shut herself off, the distance she put between them clear not only in her words, but also in how she spoke and how she moved. Even if the agent didn’t move away, she was unequivocally removed; yet, sometimes Maggie noticed the old sparkle in Alex’s eyes, returned and aflame with roaring, uncontrolled need for the detective, and in those brief moments of Alex unwillingly wavering from her resolve, Maggie found hope. The only problem was that in the warehouse Alex’s slips were frequent, but since the warehouse, Alex started slipping less, stubbornly clinging to her newfound volition.

“Are you ever going to tell me?” Maggie said with an edge in her voice.

Alex was silent for a moment, allowing herself to accept any potential fallout of the truths to come, though she knew that certain outcomes would surely cause her insurmountable amounts of pain, if she _let_ herself feel anything. She told herself to think of Kara and her duty to her sister--and in turn, the world--whenever she felt her heart being torn apart.

“I don’t know. Probably not. I can’t…” Alex’s mouth was turned downward. Even though she’d planned and practiced saying those words, it still hurt to say them aloud and mean them. It still hurt to see Maggie’s face fall, another tiny heartbreak that would be burnt into the agent’s brain, another stop she’d pass frequently on her trips to and from self-loathing.

Maggie shook her head then looked up to meet Alex’s eyes.

“After the last year, after getting shot, after you getting pummeled… I know I need you in my life, but damn it Alex... I also need the truth if we’re…” Maggie caught herself and tried to calm down before doing what the old Maggie would do and ruin the possibility of a romantic relationship before Alex could do it herself. “What I’m trying to say is… whatever you’re up to, you don’t have to tell me, so long as we’re _just_ friends.”

Alex nodded reluctantly in agreement, but she didn’t want to be friends. She never wanted to be friends. This time it was her choice, though, because the world depended on her sister, and her sister depended on her, and Alex could not be dependent on anyone if she was to be who Kara needed her to be. _Heroism does not spawn from selfishness_ , Alex thought, so she would be as selfless as she needed to be to protect the world from anyone or anything trying to set it afire.

“Okay then. Well, I got to get to the office. Feel better. Get some sleep.” Maggie said as she turned, trying to hide the disappointment of Alex’s complacency and their muted relationship before the agent could see it all over her face. As Maggie walked out the door, Kara passed the detective and caught a glimpse of her in tatters before Maggie had the time to feign warmth or happiness, so she picked up her pace and raced out of the building to let herself unravel far away from the DEO, its employees, and Alex, whose hand was holding the string.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooo, you just wait for Kara to lay into Alex.


	7. Chapter 7

Outside of Alex’s care unit, Kara and M’gann were talking about Alex and Maggie—vulnerable because of their humanity, but fearless despite it. M’gann thought a proper thank you was long overdue, so she was happy to hear the muffled mumbles of the women who rescued her, excited that she’d be able thank them while they were together _, as they belong_ , she thought.

“So, Alex has been a little touchy about visitors since she came to after her surgery. It’s probably best I go in and check with her before sending you in defenseless.” Kara said, turning to look at the door, then back to look at M’gann. “Let me bear the brunt of whatever’s to come… I’ll be right back.”

Kara walked towards the door and as soon as she opened it, a jumpy Maggie had her hand on the other side of the door knob, pushing the door until she unexpectedly met eyes with Kara. Maggie’s face was devoid of color, her jaw clinched, and her eyes glossy. Kara could tell that for a moment, Maggie considered flashing a faux smile, but it was too late. Kara had already reacted, her face quizzically sympathetic, so instead of trying to hide it, Maggie just kept walking while Kara’s eyes followed her exit. Kara didn't know Maggie very well, but she was still worried about the detective.

After Maggie was out of sight, Kara looked to M’gann with urgency.

“M’gann, I’m sorry to do this but I think I need to have a few words with my sister. You can wait until I’m finished to speak with her if you’d like, but she might be out for blood, so… no one’s safe.”

“You know… I think Maggie might need a friend right now anyway. Another time...” Both women had nodded at one another, gearing up for an undertaking, perfectly content to divide and conquer. With that, Kara’s eyes narrowed at the door as she pushed it open again, while M’gann hurried off to catch the detective.

The sound of the door hitting the stopper was aggressive; the lock clicking behind the Kryptonian was aggressive; yet, nothing could compare to the thunder of Kara’s stomps as she marched to Alex’s bedside. The whole building vibrated with her anger.

“What the hell, Alex?! I told you to talk to her, not fucking destroy her.” Kara sneered.

“What are you talking about? We’re fine…” Alex had never been scared of her sister before; she’d only cursed a handful of times. She’d been 99% cheer from the time they’d first met. _There’s a first for everything,_ she thought _, though to be fair this will be the last first if she kills me. But… first death!_ Her meek amusement was short-lived. Kara had noticed some small semblance of a grin, then reached out and pinched the older Danvers on her arm.

“The Maggie Sawyer I just saw is absolutely not fine, you dummy!”

“Ouch! You pinched me… really Kara?” _I’m the older sister to a five-year-old_ , Alex mused.

“You’re lucky it wasn’t a friction burn!” Kara stood still, staring at Alex, waiting for an explanation.

“Well… the Maggie Sawyer I just saw… she was fine. We decided to be friends again, so…”

“You’re kidding, right?” Kara asked, looking around the room as if she were looking for cameras that would confirm that she was being Punk’d.

Alex stared at her blankly.

“ _Oh my God!_ You’re like the smartest person I know, but you’re still so… so… clueless!” Kara waited while Alex continued to stare, growing more irritated by the minute.

“Okay, fine! I’ll spell it out for you…” Kara inhaled deeply then continued. “Remember the first time you guys decided to be ‘ _friends_ ’?” Kara used air quotations. She felt it was a valid gesture in such a scenario. “That was so dumb! And it didn’t work! Do you know why?”

Kara waited again. She was starting to get used to the silence.

“Because both of you were lying to yourselves! …So the question is, which one of you is it this time? Or is it both of you? Actually… you know what? If you can look me in the eye and tell me honestly that being Maggie’s friend will always be enough… if you can say it and mean it… then I’ll back off. I’ll leave now and I won’t ever bring it up again.”

Alex stayed silent, but this time it wasn’t for lack of having an answer. She didn’t have to ponder the question. Anyone who had eyes didn’t need to ponder the question. Her heart pounded in her chest as she got lost in visions of brown locks curled around her fingers.

“Answer me!” Kara raised her voice.

“No! No… okay?” Alex yelled back, eyes watering, overwhelmed with feelings she’d been repressing for the good of the sister in front of her. “Being Maggie’s friend will never be enough.”

Kara softened and moved toward her sister, grabbing the hand that had not been broken in the incident at the warehouse.

“Then what’s going on?” Kara asked.

“I don’t know…”

“Alex.” Kara’s hostile tone hadn’t returned in full force, but it was more stern that her previous statement.

“I can’t be with Maggie.” Alex covered her face with her hands, wiping her tears away.

“Why not? You deserve to be happy! It’s so clear to me that there’s a lot more to you and Maggie than you let us spectators see, but that’s how strong the connection is—that even when you don’t want us to see your dynamic, it’s abundantly obvious. And it’s beautiful.”

“Kara… I’ve been given one job: protect you. I can’t let myself be vulnerable _and_ protect you. I can’t let myself fall for Maggie. I can’t be that selfish. I can’t mess up or people _will_ die.”

Kara sighed.

“It’s not your fault that I went to Earth-1.”

“I know that.”

“You can’t protect me all the time.”

I know that too.”

“Well if you already know those things, then you shoud know it's already too late, that you’ve already fallen for Maggie, you’re already vulnerable. And you know what? I’m ecstatic for you. I’m not worried about anything bad happening _because_ you’re in love with Maggie. If anything, I’ll feel safer because you won’t go into those gloomy dazes, pining over the night she kissed you and _whatever else that I don't need to know about_ …” Alex stared at Kara wide-eyed. “I can’t read minds, but I’m not blind, okay? I’m your sister! I’m supposed to look out for you, just like you’ve always done for me. There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll keep me safe because you always have. So, shut up and cut this shit out. And be good to her, because she loves you too.”

Alex’s face was red and full of joy as Kara dropped over top of her to kiss her forehead, allowing a small laugh to escape her lips.

“I’ll stop pushing her away.” Alex said.

“And you’ll let her in?” Kara asked.

“And I’ll let her in.” Alex agreed.

“And you’ll tell her how much you love her?”

“When the time is right.”

A warm smile crept across the agent’s face. It was the first genuinely _real_ smile that Kara had seen since she’d been back. It was a sight for sore eyes. Not even Alex's Dooly's smile could hold a candle to her Maggie smile.

“And you’ll stop being an idiot?”

“Yeah, okay Kara! I get it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cleaned up grammar/spelling on all chapters. Because it's important. I don't have anyone proof reading or anything. Is that normal? A stylistic choice? You tell me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may have just gone from PG-13 to a soft NC-17, FYI. Nothing too explicit. I don't think...

The salt that covered the DEO parking lot crunched under Maggie’s feet as she searched for her car. A blizzard had been predicted to hit National City later that night, but while everyone else prepared for and obsessed about the impending inclement weather, Maggie had different priorities: priorities with short, curly auburn hair; priorities with the sweetest, sexiest smile she’d ever seen. It was those priorities that had also distracted her from paying attention to where exactly she parked her car in the enormous lot.

The cold was vicious—the actual temperature was ten degrees but the real feel was negative seventeen. Maggie retreated into her small leather jacket and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to prevent as much heat from escaping her body as possible. She was glad that she convinced herself to wear a scarf and gloves that morning and though the scarf was small and the gloves were fingerless, even the smallest piece of fabric would have its use in such weather. Maggie wasn’t one to accessorize, but she could get behind it when it was practical.

As Maggie attempted to retrace her steps, she felt like she was walking in circles. Sure, there was the fact that she was _literally_ walking in circles looking for her car, but with the cold that hit her on her way out of the DEO, so did perspective. She realized that she’d also been walking in figurative circles, orbiting a certain DEO agent, phasing from the darkness to the light, and then back to the darkness again.

Before Maggie met Alex, life had been simple. She’d wake up, kick some ass at work, drink and play pool at the bar, then take whatever girl she’d been seeing back to her place for _fun_. Every now and again Maggie would switch things up: she’d work out at the gym or take a kick-boxing class; go on dates with the women who stuck around for more than just a couple of sleepovers; read modern crime novels, noir fiction, and memoirs; watch cult classics, documentaries, and the occasional sci-fi or fantasy show, though she’d never publicly admit that last one. Maggie didn’t have anyone to tie her down to one place; anyone to miss terribly five seconds after they were pulled away; anyone to make her feel like her heart could beat out of her chest at any given moment… she didn’t have anyone to give her a _constant_ headache. The last year, with Alex gone, had been painful and difficult for the detective. Even without seeing or hearing from Alex, no matter how many months had passed by since the night Alex showed up at her door, Maggie’s mind was forever intertwined with the ghost of the woman who had come into her life with a bang, changing everything she thought she wanted. The simplicity of her former life was now dull and colorless—her blood didn’t pump, her heart didn’t beat; she’d been lost all her life and hadn’t realized it. She no longer wanted simple—that life would never be enough. She wanted Alex. She _needed_ her.

…

It was October and eleven months had passed since Alex left National City. In the first few months after the agent had gone, Maggie experienced a wide-range of emotions. First, there was the heartbreak of it all: finding and falling for someone, surrendering to them, trusting them with the most delicate parts of herself, then finding herself in pieces after the woman she trusted ran her over. Next, there was denial, which was a relatively stable time for Maggie because all she did was hold out hope that Alex would return soon and they’d find a way to fix what Alex had broken. Then when Alex didn’t return, Maggie grew restless; she was overcome with anger that eventually lead to unchecked recklessness, and thus, Wild Maggie was born.

 After her release from DEO custody, M’gann had kept an eye on Maggie whenever she was at the bar, but M’gann’s intervening in Maggie’s self-destruction had only worked part of the time, usually after the damage had already been done; however, M’gann’s involvement in Maggie’s life did provide some consolation to the detective. Knowing that at least one person cared even when she didn’t care for herself kept Maggie _living_ on the edge instead of jumping off of it. M’gann had even tried to establish a friendship with Maggie, tried to connect with her outside of the bar, but Maggie kept her at an arm’s length because she wasn’t ready to let anyone in again. Not even a little bit.

That particular October night saw Wild Maggie in full force. M’gann had cut her off four times, but Maggie was too charming for her own good and _someone was_ _always willing_ to buy her a drink. By last call, Maggie had gotten into one fight, started another, organized a treaty agreement in which all parties drank a shot of whiskey and toasted to peace and good behavior, broke a pool stick by instigating a challenge in which she bet that it was impossible to break the stick in ten halves with one finger, made out with one non-gender identifying alien and two women, one of whom had her pressed against the cool brick of the alleyway right outside of the establishment where she spent most of her evenings.

The detective’s shoulder blades dug into the brick as her hands were pinned above her head, the left arm of her new companion— _Katherine or something,_ Maggie thought—holding them in place _._ The woman had short, red wavy hair and was roughly the same height as the detective. She bore a resemblance to Alex—the closest Maggie had seen since she started her peculiar experiment a couple of months before. This was not the first time she’d been pinned to the same exact spot by a woman who resembled Alex.

She knew how it all sounded, and she was pretty sure M’gann had noticed her new interest in _very specific looking_ women, but she was still open to non-lookalikes. The only problem with non-lookalikes was that they couldn’t confirm her latest theory— _lie she’d been telling herself_ —that the reason why she couldn’t get over Alex was because of her intense physical attraction to the agent. So, yeah, she hooked up with a bunch of women who looked like Alex, but she justified it by telling herself that Alex would appreciate her newfound interest in the scientific process.

Katherine—Kate, actually—was doing a really good job confirming Maggie’s theory that whatever she had with Alex was all physical. She’d slipped her hands up Maggie’s shirt, slid them down and grabbed her ass, seized the skin under and to the side of her breasts. Before long, the detective and her new friend were nearly naked in the alley, biting and licking each other’s exposed skin, penetrating one another until each of them were _overcome_. They climaxed together around 4:00 am, in public, and they had not been quiet, so their goodbye was quick.

“That was _fun_.” Kate said, smiling while biting down on her lower lip. “Think we should do it again sometime?”

“I could be into that.” Maggie responded as she buttoned her black skinny jeans.

“Too soon for my number?”

“I… I’ll take your number. You should know though, I’m a fucking mess.”

“Then next time, don’t hold back.” Kate held her smile, delicious and wicked, then walked by Maggie, grabbing the detective's ass once more as she passed.

Maggie turned to watch the redhead vanish into the night, unbelievably turned on and panting for _more_.

…

“Maggie!”

The detective heard someone calling her name from behind her, then turned to look. It was M’gann. She was sprinting towards Maggie, worry spread all across her face.

 “Hey, M’gann…”

M’gann caught up to Maggie, then stopped to breathe for a moment before speaking. “You ran out of there pretty quickly. You okay?”

“Yeah, well… I’m fine. Sort of.”

“Alex is going to come around, you know.”

“Maybe.”

“You got anywhere you need to be?”

“I told Alex that I’m expected at work, but I actually have the day off. So… no. Nowhere to be.”

“Well then, how about you and I open the bar a little early today?” M’gann suggested, thinking the two of them could have a few beers and play some pool. With any luck, she'd convince her friend to keep pursuing the hard-headed agent.

“A woman after my own heart.” Maggie smiled.

After a few minutes of looking for Maggie's car together, the women found it, hopped in, fastened their seat belts, and started toward the bar. They chatted a little on the ride over, just general small talk. As Maggie parked around the block from the bar, her phone rang.

“Sawyer.”

“Up for some _fun?_ ” Kate asked mischievously, her voice sexy and low, blatantly suggestive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Cassicio - This chapter was in the works when you last commented, hence the smiley response.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex meets Kate.

 

 

Maggie cleared her throat and adjusted in her seat, then turned to M’gann to search the Martian’s face for any sign that she’d heard the _friendly_ greeting from the woman on the other end of the line. M’gann arched her left eyebrow. It was clear that she’d not only heard the greeting, but that she could not have been more unimpressed.

“I’ll… meet you inside.” M’gann said hesitantly as she turned, pushed the car door open, then walked towards the bar. Maggie watched as the Martian walked away, then shifted her attention back to the call.

“Good…” Kate said, “now we’re alone…”

Maggie looked around with the realization that Kate was watching her.

“Kate… as much as I enjoy playing with you, I’m in no mood for hide and seek.”

“Impressive… just when I thought I had you figured out…”

Maggie got out of her car and started strolling the area, continuing to look for her hidden companion.

“What do you mean?” Maggie asked.

“I mean…” Kate’s voice was closer. Maggie stopped, then turned around to find the woman a few feet away.

“I didn’t think you’d still talk to me like _that_ , given that a certain DEO agent is back in National City…”

“Right. Well…” Maggie responded before letting the conversation fall to silence. Talking was never their strongpoint; Maggie had broken down and told Kate about Alex during their second interaction, and though Kate was cool about it and always willing to listen, Maggie regretted the slip up. Ever since that night, they had an unspoken agreement that they’d talk as little as possible.

…

Kate and Maggie collapsed opposite of one another into the hotel room bed, both women’s chests rising and falling quickly as they tried to catch their breath. Kate turned to Maggie, raising a hand to cradle her head before dedicating the other to tracing Maggie’s upper body.

“Well, that… that was…” Kate said, gasping.

“Fun?” Maggie finished Kate’s sentence. It was a reference to what Kate had said the first night they were together. Kate nodded, biting her bottom lip.

Maggie sat up on the bed then threw her legs over the side before reaching up to push her hair out of her face. She allowed her eyes to scan the room for strewn clothing she’d thrown off in the heat of the moment. She spotted her lace boy-shorts under her feet, grabbed them, then pulled them on. Her jeans and bra were a couple of feet away, so she stood up from the bed then walked to retrieve them.

Kate stared at Maggie as she collected her clothes and pulled each item on. Kate was pretty sure they’d both just had the best sex of their lives, and yet when she looked at Maggie, there was no sign of relief on the detective’s face; instead, Maggie’s face was full of guilt and self-loathing. It wasn’t her thing to talk to strangers about their problems, but she’d worn the same look many times herself, and Maggie had been _very good_ to her.

 “What’s her name?” Kate asked.

Maggie jumped as if she’d been deeply lost in her thoughts, having completely forgotten that Kate was still around. She sat back down on the bed as she put her feel through the legs of her skinny jeans, then responded without turning her head.

“Oh… um, who?”

“The woman on your mind.”

Maggie froze briefly, then turned to look Kate in the eye.

“All due respect, she’s none of your business.”

“That’s fair.” Kate said, not pushing the subject.

Maggie’s face fell as she lost herself in her thoughts once more. A few tears escaped Maggie’s eyes then crashed onto the white linen bedsheets. Before Maggie could bite her tongue, the words came tumbling out of her mouth.

“Alex... Alex Danvers is her name.”

…

“So, don’t tell me you’ve come all this way, in the middle of the day, just to check on me? Aren’t bats nocturnal?” Maggie asked. Snow started falling around the women and Maggie stopped to appreciate it. She loved the snow.

“We come in the day when we need to.”

Maggie swallowed loudly as Kate looked her in the eye, smirking.

“Listen…” Maggie started. She knew she needed to tell Kate that things _were_ going to be different between them, and though she didn’t really want to have the discussion right then, it made more sense to get it over sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, Kate caught onto Maggie’s tone and redirected the conversation to suit herself.

“I’m also here on business, detective. I got a tip that Intergang’s Book of Crime is on the move. My source said that Intergang has its sights on a few different, potential permanent lockdown locations in National City. This is my opportunity to get the book before it’s hidden away again.”

Maggie had found out about Kate’s extracurricular activities after the woman had saved her during one the detective’s missions. Maggie had received a call from her captain when she was with Kate, and after Maggie rushed out without saying much, Kate followed her to the crime scene. When Maggie was having a look at the body of a dead alien, another alien had shot venom darts at the detective. Kate was dressed in her typical bat get-up when she stepped in to rescue the detective, and within minutes of the detective being in her arms, staring at her with her mouth agape, she’d realized it was Kate.

“Okay… well, I have some contacts that might be able to help. Let’s get inside before the wind picks up any more than it already has and I’ll give them a call.”

 

* * * * *

Alex was rolling around the DEO in a wheelchair when J’onn approached her.

“Agent Danvers, why the hell aren’t you in bed resting?”

“I feel a lot better. I think I’m ready to go home.” Alex stated confidently.

“Alex… it’s been three days. Your broken ribs won’t heal if you don’t limit your physical activity.”

“I know. Which is why I should be at home.”

Before J’onn could respond, Winn approached them.

“Hey J’onn, sounds like Maggie’s going to need our help. She has a source saying the High Madame’s Binding Crime Bible is in National City. Intergang is apparently looking for a permanent place to store it for safekeeping. I told her that we don’t have all that much information on Intergang, but that we’ll see what we can dig up. Hopefully we can find something that’ll help narrow down potential locations.”

“I wrote my dissertation on Intergang...” Alex said smiling, then continued, “soooo, looks like you’re going to need my help.”

J’onn pursed his lips and furrowed his forehead.

“Agent… “

“Do you know what a big deal this book is?” Alex said, cutting J’onn off.

J’onn sighed, then stepped away to call Maggie. After a few minutes, J’onn returned to find that Supergirl had joined Alex and Winn. Alex noticed the concerned look on J’onn’s face.

“Maggie’s source is with her and the detective has recommended that we do not grant her source unnecessary access to DEO facilities. You know what that means: suit up, get your gear and whatever else you’ll need in the event we get stuck for the duration of the blizzard. We’re going set up a temporary base at the bar, per Maggie and M’gann’s suggestion.

Supergirl and Winn dismissed themselves, passing along the message to other agents who would be participating in the mission. Alex stared at J’onn as he stared back, waiting for the agent to plead her case.

“You _know_ you need me.”

“Start packing your things, Alex. After this mission, we’re taking you home and you’re going to stay there for at least a month, you got that? No DEO cases whatsoever.”

Alex smiled, then wheeled to her care unit to grab the few items she had with her at the DEO. Maybe she’d agreed to go home after the mission, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t find a way to work on her cases.

 

* * * * *

The door to the bar opened and several DEO field agents strolled in wearing their typical field attire. J’onn walked over to Maggie and the woman he presumed to be her source. Nearly everyone participating in the mission was already inside when Supergirl pushed Alex through the door.

Alex looked through the crowd for Maggie, excited to see the detective after her talk with Kara. After scanning the room a few times, she set her eyes on a smiling Maggie before her attention shifted to the beautiful redhead standing beside the detective. The look on the woman’s face as she looked at Maggie… there was something about it. Alex calmed herself, then wheeled over towards the women as they spoke with J’onn.

“I’m confident we can help you, Ms. Kane...” J’onn saw Alex wheeling towards them and continued, “especially with the help of Agent Danvers. She wrote her dissertation on Intergang.”

Maggie’s eyes widened. She didn’t see Alex wheel over—she hadn’t even expected Alex to be there due to her injuries. Just as Maggie’s body grew tense, Agent Vasquez called for J’onn and the director excused himself. Maggie was all the sudden alone with two women she had hoped would never be in the same room together.

“Agent Danvers, huh?” Kate asked, smiling as she moved her eyes between the agent and the detective.

“And you are?” Alex asked. She was not smiling.

“I’m Kate...” Maggie shot a look at Kate, causing the woman to bite her lip. Alex’s eyes narrowed at the sight of the two women communicating without using their words.

“How do you two know each other?” Alex asked, though she was pretty sure she already knew.

Kate looked at Maggie and winked, which did not go unnoticed by Alex. Alex clinched her left fist and started to clinch her right until she remembered that hand had been broken a few days earlier.

“Well…” Kate started to say before Maggie cut her off.

“We’re… we’ve… we’ve worked together!” Maggie exclaimed.

“That’s one way to put it.” Kate smirked.

The comment sent Alex over the edge. Red rushed her cheeks. It was clear that Kate was trying to get a rise out of her and while she knew her body was in no condition to fight, she wouldn’t let that stop her from kicking the woman’s ass.

On the other side of the room, Kara watched the women, listening to their conversation with wide eyes. When she heard Alex’s heartrate increase, she hurried over to her sister before the agent could do something she’d definitely regret.

“Alex! We need you. Over there… for… important stuff!” Supergirl said, as she grabbed the handles of Alex’s wheelchair and started pulling her away. Alex watched Kate as her eyes darted between her and Kara’s faces. The sisters had an equally effective ability of dishing out dirty looks to deserving recipients. Kate neither ceased to smile nor flinched at the sisters, enraging Alex more before her fiery stare was interrupted by Maggie pulling Kate around by her arm so that the woman was facing the detective. For the second that Alex saw Maggie’s face before Kate’s body blocked Alex’s view of the detective, Alex noticed that Maggie didn’t look happy about the exchange—she looked distraught.

 

 -----

“What the hell, Kate?” Maggie raised her voice as she grabbed Kate’s arm, pulling the woman around to face her.

“Oh Maggie!” Kate yelled, hoping the agent would hear her. Maggie stared at Kate with pursed lips. She was getting more pissed at Kate by the minute, especially after that public display of debauchery, but even more so after hearing Alex scream “ _you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”_ from across the room.

“Knock it off, Kate. I mean it. I don’t have time for this shit.”

“Are you guys together?” Kate asked, ignoring Maggie’s demand.

“Whether we are or aren’t is none of your business.”

“What if I want it to be?” Kate’s smile was suddenly gone. She looked at Maggie seriously, with something in her eyes that Maggie hadn’t noticed before.

“You know that’s not the nature of our relationship.” Maggie stated.

“So we’re in a relationship?”

“Damn it, Kate! You know what I mean! Our relationship is that we’re not in a relationship and we’ll never be in a relationship!”

Kate looked at Maggie with glossy eyes then pulled her arm away from the detective’s grasp, her face falling as she stormed outside.

Maggie turned to watch the redhead leave. She didn’t mean to hurt Kate. Hell, Maggie didn’t even think it was possible to hurt Kate, but then again, it’s not like they had many conversations that consisted of words other than ‘ _that, was, fun, good, great, holy, fuck, so, hot, shit, oh, my, god’._

Maggie thought about going after her, but before she knew it, her mind had wandered to Alex. She looked over to steal a glance of the agent, worried that Alex might be unhappy with her and the shitty interaction with Kate, but instead she found Alex’s eyes glued to the door, a satisfied smile stretching across her face. Maggie hadn’t anticipated seeing Alex’s ‘I just beat you’ look outside of pool or other friendly competitions, yet there it was, in this new context, and _it did things_ to Maggie; she didn’t know whether to excuse herself to take care of the warmth flooding her core, or to take Alex right there, in the middle of the bar, on top of their pool table, in front of all of the agent’s coworkers.

Maggie sighed. She _needed_ Alex in more ways than _one_.

  


 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but it's all coming together!

A couple of hours had passed since Maggie had snapped and Kate ran out the door, visibly upset. Good news came not too long after: Winn had picked up some chatter about potential storage location and J’onn gave the order to dispatch all able DEO field agents onsite to retrieve the Crime Bible. J’onn asked Maggie to stay behind, and while normally she would have objected, she knew someone needed to be there to hold the place down and to look after ~~Alex~~ … everyone.

There were a few non-field agents who had come along for the mission even though they’d be stuck at the bar, most of whom were gathered around Winn and his tech set up, watching how the mission unfolded with frequent breathy gasps. Maggie couldn’t bear standing on the sidelines, so she sat at the bar, drinking the beer that M’gann gave her and watching a medic check on Alex’s injuries. Alex was being far more polite to the medic than she’d been to any of the doctors or nurses at the DEO, even though the medic was taking her damn sweet time. Maggie supposed that mobility had everything to do with it—Alex wasn’t one to sit still.

When the medic had finished with Alex, the agent had looked up and immediately found Maggie’s eyes. The women approached one another, with Maggie walking quickly to minimize the distance Alex would have to wheel to meet her.

“How are you feeling?” Maggie asked.

“I’m… I… I hate this… “

“A steep price to pay for being the hero?”

“For you, Maggie, I’ll pay any price and as often as I need to.” Alex stared into Maggie’s eyes, trying to convey the depth of how much she meant what she’d said.

Maggie blushed as her lips turned up ever so slightly. She hadn’t expected Alex to be so frank with her given their morning conversation. She’d been so reserved then; now she was speaking without reservations.

“Listen… I think we should talk. _Like really talk_ …” Alex said, briefly pausing to search Maggie’s eyes before continuing. “I, uhm, I know things have been back and forth with us since… well, since forever… and I know I could use some clarity. Thoughts?”

“I think a discussion is way overdue, so yes. Absolutely.”

Alex smiled and then reached out to grab Maggie’s hand, but before she could grab it, an alien burst into the bar, sending poisonous quills in their direction. Kate ran into the bar after the alien, her gun pointed directly at the offender, while Maggie drew her gun. The alien put his hands up in the air, surrendering.

“You’re going to tell me where the book is _or I swear I’ll end you before you even have time to process what’s happening_.” Kate bellowed, her voice full of anger and impatience.

“I don’t think you’re in any position to make threats, bat.” The alien hissed, nodding towards Maggie. Maggie’s stomach turned as she shifted her body around and found an unconscious Alex, pale and stuck with poisonous quills. The detective fell to her knees and took Alex’s hands in her then checked the agent’s pulse before brushing the hair out of her face.

“What the hell did you do to her?” Maggie yelled; she didn’t even attempt to downplay her emotional distress. She allowed her tears to fall onto the wooden floor of the bar unfiltered and unchecked.

 “Let’s just say she’s going to be sleeping a long time.” The alien smirked.

“You put a sleeping curse on her, Maleficent?” Kate replied sarcastically.

“Something like that.”

“What do you want? Please.” Maggie begged. She’d just gotten Alex back. There was no way she’d lose her again.

“Smart woman. I want you to call off your hounds. And let me go.”

“And then you’ll tell us how to wake her up?”

“Maggie… there is no way in hell I’m going to let that happen. The book is more important than any one life. I’m sorry, but no deal.” Kate held.

“The DEO does not take orders from you. All I have to do is make the call.” Maggie replied, eyes full of fire.

“I really am sorry, Maggie. I... I hope one day you’ll forgive me.”

Maggie’s brow furrowed with a brief moment confusion before she felt a pinch, then looked down to see a tranq dart stuck to her left thigh. As her vision blurred and her eyes grew heavy she watched as Kate approached, the woman catching her as her body collapsed, then lowering her slowly to the floor. Kate stared at the detective, still cradling her motionless body as unconsciousness overcame her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter... but it feels right ok?

 Forty-nine days had passed since Alex had fallen into the alien-induced, other-worldly coma. The DEO, the Danvers family, and all of Alex’s friends had searched, collaborated, and fought nonstop to find a cure but they had yet to find anything to pull the woman back into consciousness.

The experience of losing Alex for a second time changed Maggie. Months ago, she might have been pessimistic, might have turned to alcohol to cope with the loss, but this time she _stayed_ optimistic. Alex was a fighter, as was Maggie, so she reasoned they’d always find their way back to one another, just like they’d done every time before.

Maggie had a routine these days: she’d wake up and go for a run, shower and get ready for work, meet Kara for coffee either at the bakery near the DEO building or at the DEO itself, then make her way to Alex’s bedside before heading to work. After work, she’d go back to the DEO to be with Alex again because being with Alex, even in her current state, was better than ever being without Alex— _that_ was utterly unbearable.

She’d gotten close with Alex’s family and friends during those forty-nine days, because that’s what happens when people are devoted to the same person, no matter if they’re conscious or unconscious. _Very Sleepless in Seattle_ she thought. Maggie’s relationship with Kara was especially good—she’d gotten closer with Kara than she’d been with any friend since high school _and it was nice_. They’d get coffee, sure, but they’d also do movie nights and order pizza and talk about the books they were reading and though Maggie hadn’t been drinking as frequently as she had before, they’d still got to the bar to play pool just so that Maggie could improve her game for whenever Alex would wake up. Eventually Maggie had even figured out that Kara was Supergirl and to the detective’s surprise, Kara wasn’t defensive, but actually really excited. It was adorable. There was still a piece of the puzzle she was missing, Kara admitted that much when Maggie had asked, but they both agreed that it was Alex’s story to tell.

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

Maggie was at the precinct when her phone started to buzz in her pocket. The caller ID read Kate Kane. _Great._ She hadn’t spoken to the woman since the redhead had tranqed her; Kate hadn’t even tried to contact the detective. She wasn’t sure why she had felt compelled to answer but she had, so she did.

“Maggie….”

“What do you want?”

“To make it right. I… I found the anecdote. Supergirl has it.”

Maggie was speechless.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you… _or her_ …”

“Kate…” Maggie wept, “thank you…”

Kate sighed. She’d liked Maggie, the broken woman who took shot after shot at the other end of the bar on the night they’d first met—she’d liked her since that night, when she looked into those big, brown eyes and saw the darkness and fire too large for a woman of such small stature; yet, as skeptical Kate was about romance and happy endings and _destiny,_ some part of her knew that Maggie would never really be hers—that she’d just be a placeholder for Alex in any scenario. The detective was fated to be with the agent. With Alex Danvers. And Alex Danvers was fated to be with the detective. With Maggie.

“Call me if for some reason, _any reason_ , it doesn’t work out, okay?”

Maggie chuckled. “Sure… I… I’m sorry it’s her.”

“No you’re not.”

“No, you're right... but I’m sorry if you’re hurting.”

“Well… you know, maybe you and Alex are just meant to be.”

"Nah..." Maggie paused, "not maybe... definitely."


	12. Chapter 12

Maggie was an unstoppable force as she ran into the DEO, completely bypassing security. The officers on duty knew that allowing the detective through without going through the proper checks was a massive breach of protocol with world-ending potential, but it was a happy day, and they were ninety-five percent sure that she had the best intentions. Still, though, they sent someone to keep an eye on her because… well, that’s the job. It was a compromise—no one had the heart to keep the woman waiting.

Maggie started to wait for the elevator, but abandoned it when it got stuck for more than a few seconds on floor eight, instead opting for the stairs. She ran up the five flights to the floor where Alex’s care unit was, stopping for two seconds only to catch her breath, then ran down the hall to the room.

The door to Alex’s care unite was closed. Maggie debated whether or not she should knock or just go in, but before she could reach any decision, Kara came out and wrapped her arms around the detective.

Kara was crying.

Maggie’s body stiffened as her mind wandered. _Did it not work? Did she not wake up? Did we lose her again?_

Kara pulled away as she felt Maggie’s body tense. She made sure to squeeze the detective’s arms as she pulled back, her face full of happiness. Maggie started to breathe again.

“Kate… we were really close to the antidote, but she got the one part we were missing. We needed the DNA of the alien who poisoned her… I’m officially changing my stance on her. Even if bats are kind of weird.”

Maggie smiled. Perhaps they could be friends. Even if she didn’t give Alex back to her when Maggie wanted her to, she still found a way to do it, and without compromising her morals. She could respect that. _Even though it would never happen again if Alex would ever be in a similar scenario._ _Maggie would be ready for Kate._

“She’s asking for you.” Kara said, squeezing Maggie’s arms one more time before allowing the detective to enter.

Maggie walked in, closing the door behind her. As she turned to face Alex, tears of joy started to fall from her loving brown eyes.

“Maggie.”

Maggie couldn’t find the words to express how elated, how relieved, how happy she felt in that moment, so instead she took her spot beside Alex’s bed, grabbed the agent’s hand, and leaned down to kiss Alex on her forehead.

The agent smiled. It might have been the biggest and most beautiful smile the detective had ever seen.

“So, you missed me?”

Maggie chuckled.

“So much that I don’t think a word exists for how much I missed you.”

“Where were we? I think we were finally about to have that talk? Right?”

“Alex, you should rest. We don’t have to talk about that… about us… _now_.”

“From what I hear, I was resting for forty-nine days, Maggie.” Alex said, sitting up. Her injuries had healed over the time she’d been unconscious, and that was some serious silver-lining. Some part of her hoped she’d go into another month and a half long coma the next time she incurred severe injuries so that she wouldn’t have to deal with sitting out while she recovered. _Good thing Maggie and Kara can’t read minds._

“And we’ve waited long enough that I can’t bear to wait—to be without you—any longer. I have to have you now. I need you to be mine _now_.”

Maggie was sure that this time, her heart would _surely_ beat out of her chest.

“What do you need to take the plunge?” Alex asked as she reached up to Maggie’s face to wipe away a falling teardrop. Maggie took a deep breath.

“Why did you leave? Why did you leave National City? For a year?”

Alex hesitated, her brow furrowing before her face became softer and she accepted what she needed to do, the truth she needed to tell.

“You might want to sit down for this one...” Alex suggested, preparing to tell Maggie _everything_. She watched as Maggie sat, then looked down as Maggie squeezed her hand tighter.

“When I came out to you, I said my life was all about protecting and taking care of Kara… what I didn’t tell you is _why_ my life has been all about protecting and taking care of Kara…” Alex sighed, looking up to meet Maggie’s gaze.

Maggie knew that Alex was about to confess to her that Kara was Supergirl, and yet she didn’t dream of interrupting the vulnerable woman in front of her: the woman who had never fully given herself away, hesitantly giving small pieces here and there but never reaching this point, where one last piece stood between her completely surrendering herself. There Maggie sat, heart pounding with wide-eyes, feeling so lucky to be the one Alex wanted to give herself to—the one this incredibly beautiful, intelligent, nerdy, heartwarmingly stubborn woman _who gave her constant headaches_ wanted to share everything with. Maggie’s mouth ran dry. She didn’t know that she deserved any of it but she was done questioning it. If the universe wanted them together so badly, then Maggie would _finally_ give into all of the forces they’d been fighting and she’d do it happily.

“Kara is _special_. And she’s my sister. And she saves the world. And I have to protect her because that’s what you do when your sister is Supergirl. You protect her so she can protect everybody else.”

Alex paused, waiting for some kind of dramatic reaction that didn’t come. Maggie simply smiled and nodded and squeezed her hand again, encouraging her to continue.

“And so, when I left… it was to find her. She’d gone missing and the DEO couldn’t find her. And Superman couldn’t find her. And I couldn’t find her but at the same time I couldn’t stop looking, _and I wouldn’t have stopped looking if she hadn’t come back_.”

Maggie turned her head, slightly confused but becoming more confused by the minute.

“But Supergirl was in National City when you were gone… albeit less than she had been…” Maggie trailed off, then it hit her. “J’onn…”

“Yeah, J’onn impersonated her to solidify that Kara and Supergirl aren’t the same person. Not that many people would have come to that conclusion, but I’m fairly sure Cat Grant would have written that story as soon as she inevitably _would have_ come to that conclusion.

“So where was she?” Maggie asked.

“Well… you’re already seated, so I can’t tell you to sit. So I guess, brace yourself? ...She was on Earth-1.”

Maggie stared at the agent blankly.

“Turns out this is Earth-38…”

The detective could swear her jaw hit the floor.

“Yeah, she’s got some friends… in the multiverse… on other Earths. She had to help them save their world from a hostile alien race that she’d learned about on Krypton before her world was destroyed.”

“Wow…”

“Yeah… and the craziest part?” Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “She was only on Earth-1 for three days. But she was gone for thirteen months. Thirteen months and I didn’t know she was okay.” Alex started to sob. It had been the worst thirteen months of her life. She lived a colorless existence without Kara. _And without Maggie._

“Oh, Alex.” Maggie said, reaching up to touch the agent’s face.

“I spent all that time looking for her, feeling guilty, feeling like it was my fault—that I had been too distracted to protect her. And then I’d start to think about you, about your smile, your dimples, the way you make me feel: warm, and safe, and… three-dimensional. Like I’m real… like there’s more to me than just being Agent Danvers, sister of Supergirl. But thinking about you and missing you just fed into my guilt and my grief and so I tried to push you out of my mind, to forget you, but Maggie…” Alex put her hand over Maggie’s hands, both having found their way to the agent’s face. “It’s impossible. You’re unforgettable. And I couldn’t be more in love with you.”

There it was. Out there. And all the sudden Alex was _terrified_. Heat rushed to her face with insecurity as her eyes fell. It did not go unnoticed. Before Alex could even look up, Maggie had crawled into the bed and pulled the agent’s head into her chest.

“Hey, I got you. It’s okay. I know this is scary. It’s scary for me too. I’ve never been in love either.”

Alex wrapped her arms around Maggie, relieved that it was real. That they were real.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Maggie kissed Alex’s forehead again, then reached down to lift the Agent’s chin so that they could start into one another’s eyes. It was silent for a moment before Alex broke.

“So, have you noticed that Kate kind of looks like me?” Alex asked with an ornery grin.

“Oh God…” Maggie rolled her eyes, laughing briefly before being silenced by Alex’s soft lips. The sank into the bed, cupping one another’s faces, brushing hair behind the other’s ears, planting as many smiling kisses on each other as time would permit… perfectly oblivious to what would happen next…

_BANG._

As the door flew open, loudly meeting stopper, and then the wall because of the sheer force applied to it. The women jumped, pulling themselves from one another as if they’d just been teenagers, caught making out by one of their parents. They turned.

_Kara._

“GUYSSSSSSSSSSSS! FINALLYYYYYY! I’m so, so, so HAPPY! I mean, my sister and my best friend! This is AWESOME!” Kara yelled excitedly before jumping into the bed to join them.

Alex curiously arched an eyebrow.

“Best friend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it ends. Hope it wasn't rushed. I might make this a series since I didn't get to any Sanvers steaminess, but I have some other ideas too. Let me know if you're interested in this particular story continuing?
> 
> Thanks for the feedback and kudos! 10/10 first fanfic experience. :)

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic. Constructive criticism welcome.


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